DNF – DID NOT FINISH
These are the words no one wants on their running CV;
regretfully I collected my first at Hardmoors 60 this year. I am tempted to say first and last however
suspect that might be somewhat foolish.
I thought rather than add to the race reports already done I
would write a little about making that DNF decision and my feelings since.
Readers please don’t worry, or indeed stop reading, this shouldn’t be a write
up of my own personal ‘pity party’, hopefully just a little introspection
published which read or unread will provide a little catharsis to me.
Going from couch potato and obesity priority lane pass-holder
to completing 10 events at marathon distance or longer including 4 Ultras in 2 ½
years had provided plenty of DNF opportunities, not one of which settled more
than fleetingly in my mind.
What then happened at HM 60? First some moments I lived to
regret:
To all and sundry that asked, “not worried about completing,
feel robust, have got the miles in my legs just might be a bit slow”.
Showboating for the cameraman with a little leap and an air born
click of my heels, telling myself then, I’ll look pretty damn stupid if I don’t
finish now.
Did I show the race its proper due respect? No, no I did not,
essentially I turned up to what was planned as the last Ultra of my year under
trained, I had plenty of miles in my legs but was not sharp by any standards,
with my pace and the duration at which I could run comfortably diminishing by
the day.
To the decision then, having started in good company
alongside ‘completer’ Phil Turton, I settled into a comfortable early pace nicely
lodged in the first third of the field, a conservative start, in good company
the first 14 miles passed quickly enough. At 15 miles a feeling I have had seemingly
throughout the year set in and my hamstrings tightened and I slowed, the
ascents were almost pushing me backwards, not a sharp pain but a dull and very
debilitating ache was radiating down the back of my thighs.
I say a pain I have had all year, I don’t recall when it
started to affect me just that I had carried it long enough to almost accept it
as the norm and attribute it not to injury but lack of training volume and
intensity.
Putting a brave face on the situation, I parried Phil’s
enquiries as to my wellbeing with the universal words of denial “fine”, “good”,
“I’ll settle in soon”, Phil having seen me this way at Coniston Trail Marathon
and battle on through accepted them and in good spirits adjusted his pace.
My condition worsened over the next 5 miles to the point the
pain was scorching and my running was reduced to the shuffling I saw from most
competitors from Scarborough onwards, it was no longer fair to Phil to keep him
at my shuffle and I encouraged him on, he gallantly put up a small fight
however seemed to know there would be no phoenix from the flames moment this
time and moved on with a little trepidation (we had shared the recce duties,
leaving Phil 20 or so miles to work out on his own, before hitting the section
he had scouted) and some, despite his best efforts to conceal it, visible
relief to be moving at his own pace for perhaps the first time in the event.
I shuffled on to the point at which you join the road into
Runswick Bay and the next checkpoint, here at the end of the trail I sat, for
some reason wanting to get my head straight before heading down to the
checkpoint.
It was here sat on the grass directing runners along the
road that I surprised myself, shocked would perhaps be a better choice of
words, there was no contest in my mind no alternate strategies such as resting,
dropping a pain killer, seeing it to the next checkpoint, I settled on a DNF,
almost with a smile on my face not in relief
at the days exertions being over but simply and purely because clarity
finally struck I was blaming myself for a lack of training volume and intensity
where the issue was injury that made training volume and intensity almost
impossible; it was here I accepted using Anadin Extra to complete any run over
14 miles in training was indeed folly.
I am cross that it took a race as tough as Hardmoors to
reach what should have been an obvious conclusion, I carried the same injury
through a 40 miler, a tough trail marathon and even a 24 hour event this year
compromising my performance in each.
What then do I conclude from the experience?
Hopefully it has taught me to listen to my body a little
more and to treat each race with respect, I knew enough about Hardmoors to know
it would seek out any weakness and shine a light on it, the decision should
have been made in training not 20 miles into a race.
Certainly to deal with injury issues as they occur and not
give in to the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
That whilst I am comfortable with the decision I made and
certainly will not be haunted by it, there is a t-shirt missing, a facebook
post not made, a distance and time not recorded all replaced with the wrong
type of tale to retell.
Will I have another DNF, who knows, will I accept a DNF
as a result of ignoring injury issues with the same calm, I will not, that will
not be happening and if it does then there is an open invitation to all comers
to kick my sorry arse.
One question it raises which awaits answer is, did I act
sensibly with a degree of self-assurance to DNF so quickly and with seemingly such
little thought or have I revealed, in doing so, a character flaw that will come
back in future races to haunt me?
Time then to get fixed, strive to be leaner, fitter,
stronger quicker and come back to the Hardmoors series next year ….. well not
quite I am a dumb runner after all, I’ll suspend disbelief a little further and
take a trot out at Snowdonia Marathon at the end of October first, as it’s my
last outing of the year … …
I probably ought to add a little detail to that statement; I have
identified the injury as most likely to be a form of sciatica opposed to muscle
or tendon damage and will only start the race if I feel I can get around the
course, enjoy the scenery and post a result that I’ll feel comfortable sharing,
I will otherwise just go to support my pals and kick off rehabilitation with my
favourite medicine a mild oral analgesic taken regularly and often, the preferred
delivery mechanism being dark in colour with a nice creamy white frosting on
top.
4 comments:
Great read.
I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about getting a DNF though, it happens to us all sooner or later. Its good that you seem to have taken it positively and intend to learn from your experience.
I can sympathise with the problems of niggling injuries last year i had achilles and hamstring issues all year and ended uo having to not run for 3 months to totally get them out of the way before starting training from scratch at the start of this year.
Good luck in Snowdonia. Great race, I did it a few years ago. That first climb up to the pass is awesome.
Cheers Dave, it's that long layoff I am scared of hence the head in sand approach so far. Nothing in the plan post Snowdonia so if needs be will take total rest then. I am really looking forward to Snowdonia, when you say the first climb is awesome I assume that is runners code hurts like hell.
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